Essence of Mattering: A Universal Human Need

In the pursuit of mental well-being, an often overlooked yet essential concept emerges: “mattering.” Coined by psychology graduate student Gordon Flett, mattering encapsulates the profound impact of feeling valued, heard, and appreciated. This article explores the significance of mattering and provides actionable insights to enhance this crucial aspect of human flourishing.

Mattering is more than a fleeting desire; it is a core, universal human need crucial for well-being. Dr. Isaac Prilleltensky, co-author of “How People Matter,” defines it as a two-part experience—feeling valued and adding value. Research suggests that those who feel they matter experience enhanced self-compassion, relationship satisfaction, and increased belief in their ability to achieve goals. Conversely, a lack of mattering correlates with burnout, self-criticism, anxiety, depression, aggression, and a higher risk of suicide.

To gauge where one stands on the mattering scale, Dr. Prilleltensky recommends introspective questions: Do you feel valued in relationships, at work, in the community, and by yourself? Equally important is assessing whether you add value in these domains. Striking a balance across these aspects becomes the key to a profound sense of mattering.

Steps to Amplify Your Sense of Mattering Identify Your Strengths:

Recall moments when you felt useful and pinpoint areas where you already add value. True strengths, as defined by positive psychologists, involve activities that align with your abilities, choices, and personal satisfaction.

Assess Your Work Life:

Recognize aspects of your job that make you feel capable and in control. Evaluating how valued you are in the workplace is equally crucial. If unrewarding, consider advocating for changes or contemplating a career shift.

Adjust Your Relationships:

Express appreciation to loved ones and actively communicate your value to them. It’s essential to engage with people who reciprocate and reflect that you matter. If needed, walk away from relationships where your needs go unmet.

Volunteer Your Time:

Contributing to a cause can be a powerful way to feel valued. Volunteering, even in small ways, initiates a positive cycle of satisfaction and recognition.

Express Grievances and Practice Self-Compassion:

Acknowledge instances where circumstances beyond your control led to feelings of insignificance. Express grievances when necessary and cultivate self-compassion by challenging negative thoughts about your worth.

How do you nurture a sense of mattering in your life? Share your experiences, tips, or thoughts in our forum and join the collective journey toward enhancing well-being through meaningful connections and self-value.

Source:
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/27/well/mind/mental-health-mattering-self-esteem.html