Unresolved trauma can have a profound impact across generations, shaping relationships, self-perception, and mental health. Trauma often passes through parent-child relationships, affecting how children view themselves and navigate their world. According to the Washington Post, unresolved trauma can manifest as emotional unavailability or even unsafe parenting, leading to complex trauma in children. This type of trauma can result in emotional struggles, substance abuse, and low self-worth. Breaking the cycle of intergenerational trauma is challenging but possible. By understanding the roots of trauma and taking intentional steps toward healing, families can create healthier relationships for future generations. Here are four actionable strategies to help you or someone you care about on this journey.

Reconnect with Anger in a Healthy Way

Anger is often misunderstood, especially for those who grew up in environments where anger was expressed through violence or abusive language. Many trauma survivors suppress their anger, leading to unhealthy outbursts or people-pleasing behaviors. Think of anger as a loyal puppy, as trauma-informed therapist Julia Chang suggests. If neglected, the puppy acts out, but with proper training, it becomes a valuable ally. Learning to express anger constructively through practices like assertiveness training can help you protect your emotional boundaries.

Action Steps: Practice identifying triggers and journaling your feelings to understand your anger. Apps like Daylio can help track emotions and patterns. Consider learning assertive communication through resources like The Center for Nonviolent Communication. Join a support group, such as those available through BetterHelp, to work through anger with professional guidance.

Make Space for All Your Feelings

Many people struggle with conflicting emotions about their parents or family experiences. For instance, they may feel anger for past hurts but also guilt for their parents’ sacrifices. Instead of trying to resolve these emotions into a single “right” feeling, practice making space for all of them. Using “and” instead of “but” to describe your emotions can be a helpful exercise. For example, “I feel hurt by my parent’s behavior, and I appreciate the things they have done for me.” This approach acknowledges the complexity of emotions without forcing resolution.

Action Steps: Practice mindfulness meditation with apps like Headspace to cultivate awareness and acceptance of emotions. Use tools like Moodpath to log and reflect on conflicting feelings. Seek therapy with a trauma-informed professional to navigate deeper emotional challenges.

Understand That True Love Comes with Understanding

Many people justify hurtful behavior from their parents by saying, “They meant well” or “I know they love me.” While intentions matter, true love also requires understanding and meeting the needs of others. Accepting this truth helps individuals advocate for healthier relationships and reject harmful patterns. Thich Nhat Hanh’s story about the durian fruit offers a useful analogy: even well-intentioned actions can cause suffering if they lack understanding.

Action Steps: Reflect on patterns in your relationships and identify whether your needs are being met. Use resources like Boundaries.me to learn about setting healthy boundaries. Explore self-advocacy techniques with therapists through platforms like Talkspace.

Understand and Meet Your Child’s Needs 

Parents often fear passing their trauma onto their children. The good news is that research shows meeting a child’s needs just 50% of the time is enough for them to develop healthily. By addressing your own trauma and learning about child development, you can break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

Action Steps: Educate yourself about children’s emotional needs with resources like Zero to Three. Practice active listening and empathetic communication with your children. Use apps like Parenting Hero to build parenting skills.

A Path to Healing

Healing intergenerational trauma is not an overnight process, but it is possible with commitment and support. By reconnecting with your emotions, setting boundaries, and meeting the needs of yourself and your family, you can create a new legacy of understanding and resilience.

What steps have you taken to break the cycle of trauma in your family? Share your journey and connect with others in our Age Brilliantly Forum. Together, we can inspire and support one another in building healthier futures.